Muy Contento

I've have spent this Sunday gardening. First it was on the patio working on my orchids and taking care of the new plants in the beds. And while I was working on what was there I was thinking about what next. How are the plants doing and if they don't adapt what I might try next. What I might buy at the San Miguel Orchid show. Under the tree, what I might plant that needs some shade but really good drainage.

Next I went up to the terrace carrying the box of plants and succulents that Ed brought me. Last year I bought a wrought iron baker's rack from and Karen and Jim planning to use it to plant succulents but I didn't have the right soil or pots for succulents so it was just a kind of messy place to put leftover pots and plants. Now it was refitted with the right pots and the right soil and I had a few succulents so I started filling the pots with the them.

Then I sat down in a chair on the terrace and relaxed. I could hear a lot of fireworks. Too many fireworks for Carly. She stayed with me on the terrace for a bit but then she went downstairs to the studio to her bed. She does not like the big boomers and these were big boomers and they seemed fairly close by.  I don't know what the occasion was today but I could also hear drum and bugles and a Mexican band playing for the Dancers.

There was a hummingbird attacking the blooming firecracker plant. A big lime hanging from the lime tree, A huge, beautiful yellow hibiscus bloom. A cool breeze. A blue sky with fluffy white clouds.  The sounds of Mexico. And so the time flew by with me just sitting in the chair looking and listening and thinking about what an amazing life I am living. I have so many blessings everyday.

It is hard from me to write about what I was feeling but I'm sure you have felt moments like this also. I was in a bubble of contentment and peace and thankfulness. No amount of money could have made this day any better.

Muy Contento

2016

Yesterday I headed out for a walk. Not planning on a long walk, just a walk, but I think about things when I walk, solve problems and maybe sometimes it is even a meditation. Suddenly I found that I had walked through Rice Village and was starting to walk on the wonderful jogging/walking trail around Rice University. All the way around the University is almost three miles plus what I had already walked and I'd still have to get back to my son's house. Oh well, I thought, I'll go a little further and cut across the parking lot to head back.

My thoughts were about 2016. I just had a birthday and I'm starting my 80th year. Eighty years old. It is hard to believe. I remember when I thought 80 was old, really old and the people I knew in their 80's acted old. Do my kids, my grandkids, think I'm old? I dare not ask. Especially the grandkids. I might not like the answer. But here is the thing, I don't think I'm old. Yes, I do make some concessions for some things I use to do in my 40's, I'm not climbing ladders or moving bedroom furniture from one room to the other by myself, but I don't feel old. I feel healthy and happy.

When I thought about how happy I am, I remembered a TED talk I recently watched. It was a 75 year study of men from Harvard and men from slums and it had followed them for all 75 years asking questions about their lives and how happy they were. It wasn't money or fame that made them happy but it was family and friends and community that brought them happiness. I'm glad it wasn't money! I'm so blessed to have family, friends and community.

While I was striding along, I also thought about how good it feels to put one foot in front of the other, legs  strong, arms swinging, feeling the cold wind on my face and seeing the trees and traffic and other joggers and walkers. Last week a friend asked me if I was going to be younger in 2016. He was teasing about me writing about the book Younger Next Year. It will soon be three years since I read that book and I have to tell you I AM younger now than I was before I took some of the recommendations in the book to heart.

I really don't have time to be old. I still have so many things I want to do. Just this year, I want to join the Shootapaloosa friends I made last year in Port Aransas in Galveston for another B-12 shot of creativity, maybe a trip to Big Bend National Park with long, long-time photography friends, a trip to Nashville and beyond and hopefully a trip to Ireland. I bought a travel book on Ireland today. I'm doing some repair and remodeling work on my house and this year I want to finish the project I've been working on in Port Aransas. That project needs to go to the publisher.

So I'm walking and thinking and wondering, what word would describe how I am feeling about 2016 and the word I kept seeing in my head was JOY.  It is going to be a joyous year. And then, I realized that I'd passed the parking lot that I was going to cut across to head home. In fact, I'd almost gone all the way around the University. I laughed and kept walking. I walked 6.5 miles. Not too bad for someone heading toward 80.

PS I'm not sure how the picture above will look but I'm trying to coordinate several devices to add a photo. I think it may be dark but I can't tell for sure. I felt joyful looking at it as I walked along the walking trail. It isn't dark or dreary to me at any time of the year. At any rate it is a part of the campus at Rice University and I've always loved this forest of oak trees in the middle of the city.

A Transitory Life

A few things have happened recently to friends that remind me that we are mortal and life is transitory. I don't think people in their 40's, 50's think too much about the transitory part but when you get to be my age you think about it. I'm not saying that you spend your days worrying about dying but when you have lost a spouse and dear friends, you wonder about what is going to happen. About how you are going to get from living to being dead. I know that sounds weird. Still, I don't know anyone who wants to suffer or their families to suffer with them through a long illness where there is no chance of recovery.

I recently read Atul Gawande's book, On Being Mortal; Medicine and What Matters in the End. Gawande is a surgeon and has written several books about medicine. He also writes about medical issues in the NewYorker Magazine. Gawande apparently has struggled in his own medical practice on how to handle patients when he knows that medicine can not heal them. He wrote this book after his Father, also a surgeon, died from a rare form of cancer and as Gawande was with his Father through his illness, he saw medicine from the standpoint of the patient and his family.

The book is about the end of our lives and how to manage when our body begins to fail us. He writes about assisted living and nursing homes and why many elderly people are not happy living in these facilities. It is because they lose control of their lives in order that their families feel they are safe and the facility can operate efficiently. Losing control of when you want to get up in the morning, eat, take a bath, watch TV and  giving up privacy is hard to accept no matter if you are old and your body is failing.

The last half of the book about medical care in the last part of life brought back memories of so many doctor visits with Ned as we negotiated his last months.

Gawande writes:

“The simple view is that medicine exists to fight death and disease, and that is, of course, its most basic task. Death is the enemy. But the enemy has superior forces. Eventually, it wins. And, in a war that you cannot win, you don't want a general who fights to the point of total annihilation. You don't want Custer. You want Robert E. Lee, someone who knew how to fight for territory when he could and how to surrender when he couldn't, someone who understood that the damage is greatest if all you do is fight to the bitter end.”  

Fighting to the bitter end, Ned's last couple of months were overwhelming with visits to specialist who couldn't help, radiation that left him even more exhausted and more tests.

How do we find the right doctors that do not keep offering medical procedures that may prolong life but make it impossible for us to live our last days as we want, a doctor who can help us understand what is happening, ask us what is important and coach us through rational choices.

I think this is a great book for those of us who are in the "third age" as we call it here in Mexico but also it is a good book for our adult children to read as well.

The image of the bottles that once held medicines and potions is from the Port Aransas project.

Happy 2015

That is me! December 30th is my birthday. I have been on the Party Circuit since Christmas but after welcoming the New Year last night, it is time to move on. A lot of wonderful things happened in 2014 but I am so excited about what is already on the calendar for this year.

First of all I'll still be working on my project in Port Aransas. Since last Spring so many things have happened that are more than just a coincidence or serendipity. I've met some very helpful people and doors have opened. One exciting thing that happened just this week is that I found out that a group of very creative photographers are meeting in Port Aransas at the same time I was planning to be there. I'll be joining them and I am sure it will be like a massive shot of creative energy. I have many things to follow up on and photographs to take but this project is bringing me great joy.

I've signed up for the San Miguel Writer's Conference. I've heard nothing but wonderful things from people who have gone and the schedule for this years conference includes amazing speakers and workshops. I can certainly use some help writing an introduction for the Port Aransas book but I'll also take some of the workshops about publishing. I'm hoping that some of the writing talent and creative energy of the people attending will rub off on me.

I am going to Sicily along with five other photographers. Great photography opportunities and great food.  And all of this is in the first half of 2015.

I also have some fitness goals that I will work on this year. Yes, I feel great but at my age I have to work on it so that I can do the things I want to do. I'm very optimistic about 2015. I think it is going to be a great year.

I wish all my readers robust health and many adventures in 2015.  

Fifty-eight Years Ago Tonight

This time of year is always busy because of Christmas and New Years but even more so in our family. I have two nephews born during this week of the year as well as Ned's father's birthday was on the same day as our wedding. So of course I pulled out the Wedding Album. Here we are. Now husband and wife.

In many ways it is hard to believe this was 58 years ago but the hats and the suits and the horn-rim glasses say, 58 years ago. Looking at these pictures haven't made me sad although I wish Ned was still with me. I feel blessed that this was the beginning of 55 years together.

Staying Put

A few weeks ago an architect brought me a proposal about building a new house on a great piece of property. I immediately was taken with the idea. I don't really need more house but it would be lovely to have a lot that was large enough to have garage, a garden, a bedroom and studio on the first floor. I checked with my financial advisor and we talked numbers. After he told me I could do it if I could hold the line on the cost within certain parameters, the fantasy of building another house occupied my every thought. Then the owner of the lot decided he didn't want to sell.

I was disappointed but I was in lust with the idea of a new house. I looked at a couple of new houses and checked out another lot but as the days passed I started to think about what building another house would mean. It would take at least a year, maybe a year and a half. In many ways building a house is a very creative endeavor but it is also stressful.

Is that the way I want to spend my time? You know at my age even though I feel great, time is limited. Today I've been thinking about Joan Rivers. A week ago she was still moving and grooving. Her death is another reminder of why I came to the decision that I want to travel more and do more photography more than I want to build another house. I still have my bucket list and my blue highways list. I don't want to put those things on hold for a year.

So I'm not building or buying another house. I have some things that I want to do to Casa Mercer to spruce it up but I think I'll just stay where I am. Unless.......

Accentuate the Positive

Ned, me and a couple of friends, 50th Wedding Anniversary Party in San Miguel de Allende.

 

June was the second anniversary of Ned's death. I thought a lot about him but also took a look at myself. How was I doing? And what I realized shocked me. At first I found my shoulders hunched up to my ears and I was tense so much of the time. By the end of the first year I felt more relaxed and I was off on a trip to Europe. I thought I was doing okay. But now that I look back at this year, the second since his death, I am really surprised. I think there has been an even bigger change in the second year than in the first. For want of a better word, I feel that I'm blossoming. Don't laugh at an old woman! No, really I feel such a sense of well-being and independence. I am making decisions and plans for the future and I am having so much fun.

Do other widows find an even bigger change in their lives in the second year of widowhood. I started doing some research about being a widow and found I probably should have done the research right after Ned's death. It looks like there are some good self-help books around. One that especially appealed to me was Saturday Night Widows, The Adventures of Six Friends Remaking Their Lives by Becky Aikman. Aikman found five other widows and they met once a month and did things that were outside of their normal activities. And yes, they talked about their grief but in the normal course of doing other things.

Aikman was thrown out of a grief group because she didn't fit the expected pattern.  It seems that the idea was that the widow should wallow in her traumatic feelings in order to get past them. It’s only very recently that researchers started studying actual grieving people. In Aikman's interview she says, "Most of the prior work was based on theories about what it was supposed to be like. And those who study actual people find that most  people are naturally very resilient and it’s good to focus on positive things and look forward and it’s actually harmful to dwell extensively on painful memories."
Here is the interview with Aikman.

The hospice that helped me take care of Ned asked if I wanted to join their grief group. I said no because I wanted to leave Houston and come home. The sooner the better. But in following my own path of saying Yes to opportunities and trying to do things that I thought would be difficult without Ned, I have focused on positive things even though I didn't read the book. Reminds me of the Sam Cooke lyrics.

You've got to accentuate the positive
eliminate the negative
Latch on to the affirmative
But don't mess with mister inbetween

 

If you are a widow, I'd love to hear from you. What was the first year like? Was the second year different? I will be surprised if my experience was unique.

Meet Lola

Meet Lola. She is my new wheels. Actually, Lola is more like middle-age wheels instead of new. I've bought a Semi-Neuvo car. Semi-Neuvo, or almost new, is what the dealerships call used cars. Lola wasn't from a dealer. She is direct from her original buyer in 2006. She was checked out by two mechanics and both of them said she was in very good shape for her age.

Lola is a Nissan Platina. Autoevolution writes: The Platina, which is not sold in Europe, shares its platform with the Renault Clio and Modus as well as with the Nissan Micra and Note. Though not particularly visually attractive, it has all the features that have made Clio one of Europe's best selling cars since its launch in 1990: reliability, affordability and agility.

It is without a doubt not an attractive car and Lola's color is gray/silver. She already has the required San Miguel scuffs on her bumpers. She isn't going to attract any attention on the street but the part I like is reliability, affordability and agility.

Buying this car has been an interesting experience and I've been "enjoying" the experience for a week. Taking her for a test drive, Sitting with her at the Mechanic's shop. Getting my physical and blood type. Getting a Mexican Driver's license, Getting the title transferred, new license plates and emissions testing done. I took the Kindle along for two days to sit in government offices and wait my turn but I ended up watching the system work. It does work....slowly. Some things I do not understand. For example, I could turn in a copy of my passport and permanent resident card but I had to have the original of my physical. It is easiest to just do it and stop trying to figure out why.

I have great friends who have taken me along to Queretaro and Celaya when they were headed to Costco or Home Depot but I'm a Texan and I've been feeling the need to get my own horse. I can't begin to tell you how exciting it was on Thursday when I got in MY car and drove myself to Celaya. Maybe that sounds silly but it was another important marker in life without Ned.

If you are wondering how Lola got her name it is an acronym for Little Old Lady's Auto. Lola and I are not planning any big excursions but it is possible that you will pass me on the highway to Celaya. Oh....if I'm pulled off the highway with the hood up, don't pass me! Stop and help.

What Makes Olga Run?

Last year about this time I wrote about reading the book Younger Next Year and how I drank the Kool-aid and was going to try to follow the recipe. I pretty much did what I set out to do since 2013, weight resistance training and cardio exercise weekly. Do I feel younger than last year? Yes, yes I do and not just physically but mentally as well.

A few months ago I heard about another book, What Makes Olga Run?: The Mystery of the 90-Something Track Star and What she can teach us about Living Longer, Happier Lives by Bruce Grierson. Wow, the titles of some books are getting to be so long they take up the whole cover. At my age I'm interested in living a longer, healthier, productive life so as you have probably already guessed, I bought the book.

Grierson uses Olga's amazing success in the USATF Master's track and field events to explore the mysteries of aging. Not from the standpoint of the deterioration of our bodies but looking at the extent that we can influence the aging process and keep going full out longer. Seeing Doc Severinsen's musical performance this week is an example of someone in their late 80's who is still productive and creative. Grierson's research for the book reveals that there are many completed and on-going studies that are confirming what I got out of  the book, Younger Next Year.

So, it looks like even if I do not have any plans to be a Master's athlete, I can't let up on my exercise schedule. Another thing I think it confirms is that it is important to be involved with friends and to always have plans for something in the future whether it is tomorrow, or next week or next year.

Most of the time, I think self-help books are kind of WooWoo---a little bit on the far side. Maybe I'm grabbing at straws but yeah, I'm drinking some more of that Kool-aid. It worked pretty well for the last 12 months.

Ready to Roll until 2024

I picked up my new US Passport this morning. I'm good to go until 2024. This is the second Passport I have done via the US Embassy in Mexico City. It is easier to do now that it was 10 years ago. I filled out the application form on line and printed it out. Stopped at a photo place and had my photo taken just the right size for a US Passport. Went to the bank and got the US dollars to pay for the new Passport. Took everything to the Consul's office and turned it in. They instructed me to go to DHL to pay to have the Passport returned to me. I did that but instead of having it delivered to my house I had them deliver it to DHL where I could pick it up. Three and a half weeks later, I have the new Passport.

Easy, peasy! Except seeing the expiration date of June, 2024 started me thinking about how old I would be in 2024. WHOA! I'm already considered too old for some travel and medevac insurance plans. But I'm going to save that story for another blog entry. Tonight I'm just going to think of places that this Passport and I are going to see.

The Way We Were

While in Texas I went to my 60th class reunion at Charles H. Milby High School. Actually it was the 59th for my class but we joined the class of '54 in celebrating. I was able to make arrangements to go photograph in the school one day after the close of classes. I'm glad I did because the school is about to undergo a major renovation. The good thing about the renovation is that they are going to save the "old" original building from the 1920's.

This is still the main entry of the school. Behind the door on the right wall was the principal's office. The principal's office was never a threat but on the left wall was Mrs. McClendon's office (or was it Miss? I don't remember) but I was afraid of her. She was the Dean and she knew everything that went on in the school. One Friday for some reason I was going to skip school but I needed a book so I could study for a test on Monday. I thought I would be able to just slip into school get the book and slip out again while every one else was coming into school in the morning. Wrong! She saw me leave and I had to bring my Dad to school to meet with Mrs. McClendon to get back into school on Monday.

There were a lot of memories in those halls and they go back more than 60 years. Ned's Dad and Aunts graduated from Milby. One of Ned's Dad's best friends from Milby had a son, Jack, who was in our class. I met Jack in Junior High School and Jack was also one of Ned's best friends. In fact he was in our wedding and it was great to spend some time with him. My best friend was Margery, also in our wedding, and she was at the reunion. We had a great visit.

One of the surprises in the building was the old auditorium which has been made into the library. I was told that the facade to the stage had been saved so when I looked into the old auditorium, now library, I thought that the facade had been moved forward because the space seemed so small. Wrong again! It was exactly where it had always been. How could that be. The auditorium had seemed so big. I was in Drama and in a number of plays so I wanted to see the stage. It was still there although now being used for storage. It too seemed so much smaller than I remembered it.

Another surprise in the school was the number of administrative offices. Sixty years ago there was a Principal, an Assistant-Principal and a Dean of Students and the people who worked in the small office. Most of the original building now houses administrative offices. I'm not sure that the kids today are getting a better education but there are lots of people working on it. We never had police officers in the school but they were in the halls. That they are needed is a sad commentary on society today.

The reunion was a great celebration. There were lots of people I haven't seen since 1955 but members of our class have achieved a lot and traveled far. It was great visiting with them. One sad note was the memory board of those who had passed on. We have lost almost one-half of the class. The Memorabilia Room was wonderful. So many people have saved newspaper clippings, programs and pictures. I spent a long time in there remembering "The Way We Were." Back in the Ballroom, The Way We Are today…..We are still making the most of life and we are still dancing.

The Bucket List - Blue Highways

Yesterday I was talking with Son #3. That is #3 in birth order. I was telling him that I wanted to take a road trip. Maybe follow the Gulf of Mexico coastline from Galveston all the way to Key West, then back up the East Coast of Florida, on to Savannah. Maybe even to Charleston. I'd love to see Savannah and Charleston when the azaleas are blooming. I think my desire for a road trip and thinking about it was rekindled as I read Kim's blog, El Gringo Suelto, about his road trip around Mexico.

Son #3 immediately said, "So you are thinking about Blue Highways." Blue Highways is a book that I read years ago and then passed it on to #3. The book was written by William Least Heat-Moon. I'm not sure what the copyright date is but I read it sometime in the 1990's. Heat-Moon had some things fall apart in his life so he outfitted a van that he named Ghost Dancing and he headed out on a trip around the US following the blue lines, not the Interstate highways, on an old Rand McNally road atlas. Along the way he wrote about places and about conversations he had with people. That book hit a nerve with me.

My Dad always talked about just driving down the road to see what he could see. His talking about doing a road trip became a dream of mine too. I thought that when he retired he would do it, but other than a trip to California he didn't head out on that open road. Then my mother was sick. After she died, I thought he might do it but again, he didn't.

Hitting the Blue Highways has been on my bucket list for a long time but somehow I've never done it. I've done some road trips but I was getting from point A to point B usually on an Interstate Highway. So when #3 brought up the book, I immediately thought, Billie, are you going to talk about taking a road trip on the blue highways and die without doing it?

When I close my eyes I can see a drive from Galveston to Lake Charles to Sugartown, Louisiana where my Dad grew up. Then back to the coast at New Orleans, somehow to Key West to look across the ocean to Cuba. Turn and head North zig-zagging along on blue lines and small towns until I hit Savannah and Charleston.

Yes, it is on the Bucket List, but I wonder if it is better to leave the long road trip as a dream. It might not be as romantic or the adventure I've long dreamed about. Of course, if I don't like it, I can always turn around and drive back. Whether I do it or not there is one thing I'm sure about, I don't want to get to the place where I don't have any thing on my bucket list. Without a bucket list, what is left?

The image above is another from my Mercer Log and Port Aransas project.

The Reunion

Me, 1954

I don't usually look backward but I have been doing that in the last couple of weeks. I've sent in my check for a reservation for my 60th high school class reunion. Actually it isn't the 60th this year. It is the 59th but my class is combining with the class of '54 for the big event. Sixty years! It doesn't seem possible.
 
The class has had reunions in the past but for one reason or another Ned and I only went to one and that one was a long, long time ago. We kept up with some classmates for about ten or twelve years but by that time some had moved away or across town. Our kids were involved in school activities or sports and we drifted apart over time.

It was a large class of about 400 people and I have to admit that after graduation, it was like I left some of them on the school steps. So my memories of them are that she had long hair or he was in the ROTC or she was going to school in Louisiana. I have a big gap to cover to find out what has happened to them and where they are now. Today, I exchanged emails today with a classmate and in about 15 lines of text he hit the highlights of the last 60 years. I think there is a lot more to learn about between those lines of text. But it was great to connect again.

I've also been exchanging emails with another classmate for the last couple of weeks. What fun that has been. We certainly knew each other in high school but we were involved in different activities. Now that we are connecting again, we are finding so many things we have in common. I don't know why we weren't the best buddies in high school.

Milby High School has been around since the 1920's. Ned's Dad graduated from there in 1933 and so  did Ned's aunts. Ned and I graduated from Milby in 1955. There have been additions to the school since we graduated. It is much bigger but another renovation is about to start. I haven't been in the school since 1955 although I've driven by just to take a look several times in recent years. I've gotten permission to go inside and photograph while I am in Houston this summer. I don't know what I'll feel when I walk through the doors but I hope that my camera will find some of the memories from 60 years ago.

Yes, that is a picture of me. It was made on an Easter Sunday, 1954. I'm wearing a hat. I made my dress and the dress also had a tailored jacket that I could switch with the shawl. Oh, readers, do not laugh. That was the fashion of the day!

2014 - Buy New Jeans

In January of 2013 I had lost a little weight and so my New Year's Resolution was to continue with a healthier diet and hopefully continue the trend in the right direction. I had been doing Yoga for a number of years and while it kept me flexible it really had not done anything to change my shape or help me lose weight. I decided to add some other exercise to my life.

Sometime in January someone posted on the Civil List that if enough old geezers signed up, Crystal Calderoni would start a beginners exercise class for them. Sounded like the way to get into an exercise routine so I said I’d be interested and I waited but I didn't get a notice about a new class. In February, I contacted Crystal and there had not been enough interest among us old geezers so I asked if I could come and observe one of her regular exercise classes to see if I could survive. She said yes. I observed and decided that I couldn’t keep up but at least I would start and see what happened. It had been a long time since I had done weight and strength training so I started with the lightest weights.

I bumbled through the classes for a while but started getting better. About the middle of March a few people asked me if I had lost some weight. I had but I don’t think most people noticed. Also about that time I read the book, Younger Next Year and realized I was on the right track but needed to add more cardio exercise so I started walking UP Pila Seca at least four times a week. I also realized that I was going in the right direction with the weight and strength training but two times a week wasn’t enough.

I had never worked with a personal trainer so I decided to sign up for a few sessions with Crystal Calderoni until I felt comfortable with working out in a gym on my own. Here it is months later and I’m still working out with Crystal, still going to her group exercise class two times a week and still walking up Pila Seca. It sounds like a lot of work and it is, but it has paid off. Now people aren’t asking me if I have lost some weight. They are telling me I look great and asking me what I’m doing.

I have to give the credit to Crystal. She is simply an amazing teacher, motivator and trainer. In a group class, she somehow manages to watch everyone for correct form so you don’t end up with an injury. This is quite a skill because she has people at different levels in the class but she knows that one person needs to do the exercise one way because of a shoulder injury or because they are new and the rest of us can do it the regular way. Her class is never the same which I really like because you are constantly using your muscles in different ways. Some days are weight classes and other days are with the TRX. Once I learned to trust the TRX, I love it. It is hard to do but oh so rewarding.

I also highly recommend Crystal as a personal trainer. She is constantly pushing you to do just a little more and then one day you realize that you have gone far beyond what you ever thought you could do. Again, she changes the routine constantly and focuses on different parts of the body. While I had thought about using the gym on my own, having Crystal there to plan my session, watch me so I don’t get hurt and pushing me beyond what I think I can do has huge added value. One of my sons agrees and he tells me not to think about the cost, just do it. So I try to think of it as a part of my health insurance expense but rather than paying if I get sick it keeps me healthy and strong. I am thinner, stronger and I feel younger than I did last year. Some health issues are gone. At my latest checkup my Doctor was very pleased with my condition and I'm able to delete or cut back on some medications I was taking.

So you may be wondering how much weight and inches have I lost. Let’s just put it like this. I haven’t lost as much weight as you might think but my shape has changed dramatically thanks to being Crystalized, I have had to buy all new clothes. I’ve gone down four sizes in jeans since December 2012.

So what is the plan for 2014? Pretty much the same as last year. Eat healthy and continue my exercise sessions with Crystal. Oh....and also buy smaller sized jeans.

Another Loop Around the Sun

Yesterday on my birthday, Dan Green left this comment for me on Facebook, "Understand you completed another loop around the Sun. Here's hoping you continue to go in circles for many years more!"

I like the idea that another birthday is another loop around the Sun and I really like the idea of continuing to go in circles for many years more. Of course my birthday comes at the end of the year so I'm usually a little bit more introspective when it rolls around. In looking back at 2013 I have to say it has been a pretty good year. I took on some challenges that have been very rewarding.

The thing that has caused the biggest life change for me has been eating healthier and getting into an exercise program with an emphasis on weight bearing exercises. I blogged about the book Younger Next Year. I have not been totally faithful to it but what I adopted into my life has definitely made me feel younger.  

I might not ever be in another play but taking a part in one of the plays in San Miguel's Ten-Minute International Play Festival was a huge challenge. I came out of it feeling like I had proven something to myself. I don't know exactly what I proved but it was a great feeling to do something that I never expected to do. And I remembered all my lines which was a greater fear than stepping out on the stage.

The three-week trip I took to Europe was a turning point for me. It came in August a little more than a year after Ned died. A number of cultures make note of a year of morning for a loved one. You never forget them but there is something about the passage of a year of time and being able to move on. Somehow, returning from that trip was, for me,  a marker that gave me permission to move on.

So now, here it is New Year's Eve and in just about an hour we will ring in 2014. I wonder what 2014 will bring. Bring it on! I'm younger today than I was December 31, 2012.

I send my most heart felt wishes to all my readers that 2014 will be overflowing with family, friends, personal growth and a few good surprises just to make this loop around the Sun memorable.

I made the photo above yesterday at one of the Churches in SMA. Kind of a different take on Christmas.

Marriage? Don't Think So

Here is another New York Times article forwarded to me by a friend. It is about how many widows are not interested in a second go at marriage.  I've read several surveys that indicate that more than half of women who are widowed before 45 years of age will remarry while about 10 percent of women who are widowed when they are older than 45 years of age will remarry and that percentage really drops for women who lose their husbands after 65 or 70.

I've picked up a couple of hints that a few friends are kind of wondering if  I might be interested in another relationship. I also have some friends who have used some of the Senior "dating" sites and along with some totally boring men, they have also met some interesting men. So, I have asked myself, "What about it? Would you consider remarrying?" The article from the New York Times helped me put my NO answer into clearer terms.

I had a long and happy marriage but Ned and I started our life together when we were not much more than kids ourselves. Can we make accommodations in mid-life? Marriages take a lot of work. I'm pretty set in the way I do things and what my expectations are. I do not think it would be easy to accommodate another person in my life.

In addition to a good marriage, I also had a successful career and in many ways I was shaped by the Women's Movement. I do not feel like I NEED a man in my life to prove anything to anyone. In fact, I feel that this time of my life is a great opportunity to try my wings, to fly solo.....and it isn't a bad feeling.

Another issue mentioned in the article is financial independence made it easier for women to make the decision to not re-marry. While I'm not wealthy, I am able to live a nice lifestyle without looking for a man to provide financial security.

Another study that I read cited that women who have a strong social network were less likely to feel the need to remarry. I recently met a widower about my age who wanted to know if I felt I needed an escort to go to parties or events. Although it would be nice to go with someone, NO, I do not feel I need an escort for anything particularly here in San Miguel. A network of friends and activities really does give you independence.

Marriage vows usually include "to honor and cherish, in sickness and in health." When we are young that statement seems quite beautiful but when you get to be older and you have taken care of your loved one in 'sickness' you know that in a marriage in your 70's, it is most likely a prophesy of what is to come and not beautiful at all. We are older and we will die and sometimes the dying is long and painful for everyone. When you are married your life is as a couple and when one is sick the other is a part of that illness. You may think me selfish and although it could be the other way around, I don't want a new husband's health determining the rest of my life.

One of the women interviewed for the article said "I adore male companionship but they've got to be good company," she said. "Otherwise I'm happy to go out with a woman or by myself. I'm self-sustaining." I think she speaks for me and a lot of other widows.

Dreaming

Some people say their dreams are in vivid color that play across their mind or subconscious like a movie. And the next morning when they wake up they can tell you about the dream in detail.

Do you remember your dreams? Most of the time I don't.

But last night....last night was different. Well, actually it was early this morning in that kind of twilight between sleep and awake. I realized I was in a dream. The early part of the dream is very fuzzy but there was a connection between this woman and a man. They are upstage left in a restaurant. They could have been a husband and wife at a table or maybe the chef and the woman who took care of the front of the restaurant. Like I say, it is fuzzy.

Then the dream becomes very vivid. Two women walk in downstage right. Both attractive. One with blond hair back in a bun or french twist. She was wearing a simple 1930's bias-cut dress in white wool jersey. The other was in a stylish fitted royal blue suit with a short but not short-short skirt, deep neckline and a large Kate Middleton hat set at a jaunty tilt.

Next the three women are seated at a table center stage. There is a bit of small talk. Then the Kate Middleton hat lady pushes a small envelope toward the restaurant woman. On the front of the envelope is written a large sum of money and something like "Take it and leave now." The restaurant woman reacts with shock. From that point on, if I would have had a pencil I could have been writing dialogue. The words were just pouring out although now I can't remember exactly what they were.

Was this a pay off for a mistress or wife? Was it the old corporate golden handshake, take your severance and go?

Why did I have this dream? What does it mean? Does it mean I need to go shopping for some fashionable clothes or get a new hair style? Or, is it a plot for a 10-minute play? Maybe the muse is channeling a great novel or screen play and I need to be ready. Should I go to bed tonight with a pen and pad in my hand ready to transcribe? You never know about these things.

Hey, it is my dream so stop it!  I can hear you laughing!

Following Up on the Blue Toes

The colors in my post yesterday about my blue toes made me think about this image that I made in the organic market one Saturday. Now don't try to connect the garlic and my toes. Just think about the colors....blue toenails, pink skin.

I've been a little surprised by the response I received about the blue toenails in comments on Reservations for One and Facebook where my blog shows up as a Networked blog. Some cheered me on and some were kind of like, yuck and some kind of wondered if I wasn't going over the edge. But one comment I really liked was from my friend Ellen who pointed out an article in the New York Times about the short story writer Alice Munro who is 81 years old. At the time of the interview for the article, Munro had electric blue toenails. So I'm in good company with some of a certain age. I'd like to say I was in good company with a famous short story writer but that would definitely be stretching it.

Going Up Hill

In my effort to be Younger Next Year I have challenged myself to walk up Pila Seca to Salida a Queretaro. The bottom of Pila Seca is about two blocks from my house. It starts off with a nice incline, a good way to tell the heart that it needs to pick up the pace. Along about Quebrada the incline is a little steeper. At Aldama I'm starting to think, Why in the hell am I doing this so early in the morning. And then I get to Chiquitos and I stop thinking about anything except putting one foot in front of the other. This picture is what the stretch from Chiquitos to Barranca looks like. But when I reach the top of this road I'm not finished. The road makes a little zag to the left and I'm faced with another steep incline. This is about the middle of that incline.

 

By the time I reach the top of this hill, I am sucking air. And if this ever gets to be easy I can cross the street and go up the 162 steps of Cruz del Pueblo. Notice I said IF it ever gets to be easy. Right now I'm just concentrating on not talking myself out of this challenge three or four days a week. But next year when I'm younger, I'll probably be ready to take on those steps as well.

Okay, Stop Laughing!

Younger Next Year

Over the last 10 months or so I've lost some weight, I've gotten back to my Yoga class and I've recently joined a Cardio and weight class a couple of times a week. I was pleased with what I was doing but I had this feeling that it wasn't enough. Sure enough, as happens a lot of times in my life, along comes some inspiration. I can't remember who mentioned the book to me but I downloaded Younger Next Year for Women: Live Strong, Fit and Sexy Until You're 80 and Beyond, by Chris Crowley and Henry S. Lodge, M.D. I'm not that far from 80 so I'm glad they tacked on that "and Beyond" bit.

In many ways it is a breezy motivational book but I believe it has substance. It is built around "Harry's Rules" of which there are seven that you should follow for the rest of your life. I'm really connecting with the ones having to do with exercise. Basically serious aerobic exercise four days a week and serious strength training with weights two days a week. As I read what the book had to say about the science of what exercise does and why it was so important as we grow older it made sense.
I could definitely see how it could make it possible to lead an active life longer. I'm not so sure I'm in all the way like Crowley but I'll take it a step at a time. I'm definitely going to up my aerobic exercise.

I also like the diet advice although it isn't a diet book. Quit Eating Crap! is one of the rules. I can live with that.

There are a couple of rules that have to do with connecting with people, committing to goals and organizations or causes. They cite studies about the brain and how important human connections are to our health and emotional well-being. In general people who are connected to their community in many ways, live longer. The book talks about how as we get older we start to lose friends and family and we need to work diligently on making new connections. We need to say yes instead of no to opportunities even if we aren't sure we want to do it. Some say that San Miguel de Allende is the fountain of youth. If there is any truth to that it is because if you are open you can find friends and many ways to connect with the community.

There are some things in the book I don't like that much. Like, you are still going to get wrinkles, and saggy skin, and gray hair....stuff like that. (Like you see in the picture above. What can I say, I was testing out the new camera.) On the other hand if you can still ride a bike, and walk up hill to Salida a Queretaro, and have better balance so you don't fall down,  then I think trying to follow the advice is worthwhile.

Yes, the book is definitely motivating me so I guess I drank the Kool-Ade. I'm feeling pretty good right now but I think I'll feel younger next year.

BTW, this book leans a little more toward women but the original book was just Younger Next Year and it was more about men.