Refugio en el Norte - Day 15

It is hard to believe that I’ve been in this apartment as of today for 15 days. I’ve settled in and developed little routines with breakfast and at my desk, just making myself a home in Houston. One of the things that I do every morning is go walking. Across the street from the apartment complex is a lovely, tree-shaded neighborhood called West University Place. It’s mailing address is Houston but it is actually a small city within Houston. When I go out at 7 AM, it is just before sunrise. The air is cool and so far the humidity has not set in for Houston. I lived here for years and I know that before long I will be peeling off sweaty clothes as soon as I return from my early morning walk. But it is lovely now.

This morning I passed several houses where a gardener had mulched flower beds yesterday and the smell of the mulch was pungent and earthy. The squirrels were already out looking for breakfast and they would jump to a tree trunk and peek at me from the other side to see if I was going to keep walking. Some houses had sprinkler systems that were busy spitting water on the lawn and flower beds so sometimes I felt the a light mist on my face. There were a lot of red-breasted robins on the lawns looking for the early-bird worms. One big blue jay must have had a nest somewhere close by because he spouted warning chirps at me. Of course, I knew it wasn’t were he had flown up into the tree because jays are smart and they try to distract you from finding their nest. 

Everything seems so normal at 7 AM. How could that be when we are bracing for, but hoping against, overloading our medical system and losing too many of our citizens.

Muy Contento

I've have spent this Sunday gardening. First it was on the patio working on my orchids and taking care of the new plants in the beds. And while I was working on what was there I was thinking about what next. How are the plants doing and if they don't adapt what I might try next. What I might buy at the San Miguel Orchid show. Under the tree, what I might plant that needs some shade but really good drainage.

Next I went up to the terrace carrying the box of plants and succulents that Ed brought me. Last year I bought a wrought iron baker's rack from and Karen and Jim planning to use it to plant succulents but I didn't have the right soil or pots for succulents so it was just a kind of messy place to put leftover pots and plants. Now it was refitted with the right pots and the right soil and I had a few succulents so I started filling the pots with the them.

Then I sat down in a chair on the terrace and relaxed. I could hear a lot of fireworks. Too many fireworks for Carly. She stayed with me on the terrace for a bit but then she went downstairs to the studio to her bed. She does not like the big boomers and these were big boomers and they seemed fairly close by.  I don't know what the occasion was today but I could also hear drum and bugles and a Mexican band playing for the Dancers.

There was a hummingbird attacking the blooming firecracker plant. A big lime hanging from the lime tree, A huge, beautiful yellow hibiscus bloom. A cool breeze. A blue sky with fluffy white clouds.  The sounds of Mexico. And so the time flew by with me just sitting in the chair looking and listening and thinking about what an amazing life I am living. I have so many blessings everyday.

It is hard from me to write about what I was feeling but I'm sure you have felt moments like this also. I was in a bubble of contentment and peace and thankfulness. No amount of money could have made this day any better.

Muy Contento

A Transitory Life

A few things have happened recently to friends that remind me that we are mortal and life is transitory. I don't think people in their 40's, 50's think too much about the transitory part but when you get to be my age you think about it. I'm not saying that you spend your days worrying about dying but when you have lost a spouse and dear friends, you wonder about what is going to happen. About how you are going to get from living to being dead. I know that sounds weird. Still, I don't know anyone who wants to suffer or their families to suffer with them through a long illness where there is no chance of recovery.

I recently read Atul Gawande's book, On Being Mortal; Medicine and What Matters in the End. Gawande is a surgeon and has written several books about medicine. He also writes about medical issues in the NewYorker Magazine. Gawande apparently has struggled in his own medical practice on how to handle patients when he knows that medicine can not heal them. He wrote this book after his Father, also a surgeon, died from a rare form of cancer and as Gawande was with his Father through his illness, he saw medicine from the standpoint of the patient and his family.

The book is about the end of our lives and how to manage when our body begins to fail us. He writes about assisted living and nursing homes and why many elderly people are not happy living in these facilities. It is because they lose control of their lives in order that their families feel they are safe and the facility can operate efficiently. Losing control of when you want to get up in the morning, eat, take a bath, watch TV and  giving up privacy is hard to accept no matter if you are old and your body is failing.

The last half of the book about medical care in the last part of life brought back memories of so many doctor visits with Ned as we negotiated his last months.

Gawande writes:

“The simple view is that medicine exists to fight death and disease, and that is, of course, its most basic task. Death is the enemy. But the enemy has superior forces. Eventually, it wins. And, in a war that you cannot win, you don't want a general who fights to the point of total annihilation. You don't want Custer. You want Robert E. Lee, someone who knew how to fight for territory when he could and how to surrender when he couldn't, someone who understood that the damage is greatest if all you do is fight to the bitter end.”  

Fighting to the bitter end, Ned's last couple of months were overwhelming with visits to specialist who couldn't help, radiation that left him even more exhausted and more tests.

How do we find the right doctors that do not keep offering medical procedures that may prolong life but make it impossible for us to live our last days as we want, a doctor who can help us understand what is happening, ask us what is important and coach us through rational choices.

I think this is a great book for those of us who are in the "third age" as we call it here in Mexico but also it is a good book for our adult children to read as well.

The image of the bottles that once held medicines and potions is from the Port Aransas project.