What I Learned in 2018

Well, here it is, the book that you have heard about many times over the last eight years.

COMMON TIDE

Port Aransas, Texas

Photographs Inspired by the Mercer Logs 1866 to 1877

Billie Mercer

It is a large book, 12 by 12, 166 pages. Perfect bound with a linen cover and printed dust jacket. 

How did it come to be? It started as an idea of things to do while Ned was going through treatment for cancer. I wanted to keep him busy with fun things. Ned's family were the first settlers on the northern end of Mustang Island in about 1855 and that settlement eventually became known as Port Aransas. We had vacationed there many times when our boys were young, so we loved the island. I told Ned that I wanted to work on a photography book about the island and use the logs or daily diaries that his family had written as a guide in making those photographs. Ned was always willing to go anywhere with me when I pulled out my camera so, April 2011, was the first trip. The trips continued even after Ned passed away. In fact, making this book became more important to me.

Starting in early 2015, I uploaded to Blurb different versions of the book, even had some of them printed as a proof. I wasn't satisfied with any of them. At the same time, I was looking for other publishers, graphic designers, getting estimates, and learning more and more about self-publishing. I was looking for the perfect book and I was looking for approval. Needless to say, I became discouraged and dropped the project for months.

Fears about artmaking fall into two families: fears about yourself, and fears about your reception by others. In a general, fears about yourself prevent you from doing your best work, while fears about your reception by others prevent you from doing your own work.

                                         Art and Fear by David Bayles and Ted Orland

In January 2018, I wrote out what I really wanted, a book for my family. I put aside all my concerns about the cost or marketing the book; or what a designer or publisher might want. 

Everything I had done earlier was dumped and I started over. I learned more about Adobe InDesign and fonts. Almost every day, I spent time on the book and in late October I uploaded the book to get a proof print. My sons received copies of the book for Christmas. I have to tell you that I'm pleased that I pushed this big project though but now I am excited about the responses I've gotten from photographers and book people. Who knows what might happen in 2019. Maybe it will get published for a wider audience. 

What I learned in 2018, and should have already known, is follow my heart and my vision. Just do it!

Helllooo.....Anybody Still Out There?

I can't believe it has been 28 months since I wrote a blog entry. I just seemed to run out of steam for the blog while I worked on other projects. But, for some reason, I'm feeling the urge to write again.

One of the big things that has happened is that I completed a book I have worked on since 2010. In order to do that I spent a lot of 2017 learning Adobe InDesign. I still am a beginner but I learned some on my own and then I hired Mary Meade to help me pull my ideas together with the master page feature of InDesign. Then 2018 was the year of the book. There is a lot to tell about that experience but I'll save that for other blog entries.

I've done some travel over the last 28 months, two times to Italy and once to London and the Cotswolds, Port Aransas a bunch of times, Crystal Bridges Museum in Arkansas, Austin, Memphis to see a grandson graduate from Rhodes College and maybe another place or two that I'm not remembering.

I had my 80th birthday and I've survived another couple of years. Just can't believe how fast time is passing.

Using the blog, I'm going to try to fill you in on what has happened as well as writing about current events. So, who among my blog readers is still out there?

Father's Day

I wanted to post some pictures of my sons and their boys so I started looking at old photographs. It took a long time because looking took me on a trip down Memory Lane.

 

This picture is from July, 2003 when Mike and his family came to visit us in San Miguel. It was a giggling wrestling match on the couch. 

 

This is Doug and his boys and it was made on June 17, 2006, ten years ago. June 17th is Doug's birthday and the picture was made in the morning.

Good Fathers. Wonderful Grandsons. I'm a lucky woman.

Happy Father's Day to Mike and Doug.

My Dad

My Dad, my sister Margaret and me. This morning I went looking for a picture of my Dad. I found this old negative, all silvered and scratched. So blurry that I'm surprised that the scan turned out as well as it did. I'm not sure of the year except it was in the 1940's. But that is okay, I still have so many pictures of him in my mind. He would have been 99 years old but he passed away in 1984. He was a quiet man and not very demonstrative but there was never any doubt in my mind that he loved me. I doubt he could have imagined all the places I would go or the things I would do but I know he was always proud of me.

There are other special Dads in my life. Ned who was a good role model for our boys. Now Mike and Doug are Dads and doing a good job with their boys.

Happy Father's Day.

Mercer Christmas Tradition - Jalapeño Quiche

A reader requested the recipe for Jalapeño Quiche so here it is. Of course I make a few changes. I do make it in a pie plate most of the time.  I use 1 cup shredded Monterrey Jack cheese and ½ cup of swiss cheese.  I put in ½ of the jalapeño peppers and leave the rest for the pepper heads to put on top. I don't measure the onions and probably use between ¼ to ½ cup. I slice the tomatoes very thin or use Roma tomatoes seeded and chopped.  I double the recipe but use three pie shells. If you do this then you need to make enough onion and tomato for three quiches. This quiche is usually a Christmas morning tradition but this year since we were all together it shifted to a Thanksgiving morning tradition.

Jalapeno Quiche

Quiche pastry – enough for a 10” quiche pan or a frozen 9 ½ inch pastry shell

1 ½ cups shredded Monterrey Jack cheese

¼ cup chopped onions

1 tablespoons butter

1 cup cream

5 eggs

1 teaspoon salt

½ teaspoon pepper

¼ cup chopped jalapeno peppers

1 sliced tomato

Place well-greased ring on greased quiche pan.  Roll out quiche dough and gently lay into pan.  Line dough with foil.  Fill foil with pie weights and bake shell at 350 for 15 minutes.

Meanwhile saute onions in butter until golden.  Evenly distribute sauteed onions and tomato slices on bottom of shell.

Beat eggs and cream together, stir in salt, pepper and cheese.  If you are feeling brave and like “hot” food mix in your jalapenos now.  If not, save for a garnish.

Pour mixture into shell, bake at 375 for 30 minutes.  Cool for 15 minutes.  Gently remove ring and serve warm.

Special Request for Thanksgiving Dinner

I'm in Houston at one of my son's houses and the cooking has started. I've got sweet potatoes in the oven roasting and onions parboiling for the golden creamed onions. The onions are a pain to prepare. You have to parboil them, then clean each and every one of them. After that they are best cooked slowly and gently stirred until they turn a lovely golden caramelized color. I wasn't going to do the onions but one of the "boys" wasn't going to be happy without creamed onions for Thanksgiving.

Also on my to-do list is Jalapeño Quiche for either tomorrow or Friday morning while we are all together. The Jalapeño Quiche is usually a Christmas morning thing but we will not all be together on Christmas morning so again a "special request" from one of the "boys." Of course, I'm sure you realize that the "boys" are actually 50 year old men but to a Mom they are always her boys.

My sister-in-law is bringing oyster dressing because it is good and her family can't imagine turkey without oyster dressing. She is also the fudge and french silk chocolate pie maker. In fact, there are some 50 year old boys that might send her back home if she didn't bring those desserts.

Daughter-in-law, Betsy, is making a bread/sage dressing that her family always made. She will make her cranberry sauce and a wonderful pumpkin pie from a new recipe that she has already tried on her family.

Then from Gary, turkey gravy, green beans and wonderful yeast rolls requested by a nephew who could eat a dozen of them when he was a little kid. Now that he is in his 20's he has cut back to ½ dozen. Dotye will come and bring her Mom's chocolate cake that was always present at every family gathering when Kackie was there.

The family can't all be together for every holiday meal and what I miss most even though I have a lovely dinner with friends, are the old recipes and traditions that bring back such wonderful memories of all the times that we have been together. I'm especially thankful for this Thanksgiving and being with my family.

What are some of the absolutely must have recipes on your Thanksgiving table?

The turkeys in the picture…..they will be on someone's Thanksgiving table tomorrow.

Margaret and Me

This is my "little" sister and me in October, 1995. She lived in Midland, Texas and I was there so that I could take down a exhibition of my work in Odessa. Margaret had helped me get it down. I don't know where we were when this was made or who took the shot but it was with my 35mm SLR camera. Tiny negative, grainy film but I have very few pictures of the two of us together because I was always the one using the camera. I'm thankful for this picture. A year later breast cancer took her life. Today she would have been 74 years old. I still miss her deeply. Rest in peace, Margaret Ann Williams Taylor. RIP

Mercer Logs 4

 

Friday, March 27, 1874

 Barometer 29.5 This day begins with the wind NNE, light. Very foggy weather.

     The first on record. At about half past six O'clock PM was born unto Edward Thos. Bernard and Emma Livingston Mercer, a bouncing boy baby. It made Ned feel about the size of two ordinary sized men. Don't blame him for feeling so. There are others who would feel just as big and wish they were in the same fix, eh Jed.

     So ends this day. Wind ENE, moderate. Very smooth bar. High tide. Barometer 29.5

 

Oh, my gosh. It has been almost a month since I have posted on this blog but I have not been doing nothing. I've spent some serious time working on the project I've mentioned before, The Mercer Logs. In trying to make a photograph that might be evocative of something in the log, I had been worrying about how to handle the issue of three Mercer babies that were born during the time of the preserved logs. I had thought that when I went to Port Aransas again I would try to find some infants to photograph. Suddenly in the middle of the night, which is always when my good ideas seem to occur, I thought, Hey, I don't have to find babies, I already have pictures of Mercer babies. So I spent a day digging through negatives and digital files for pictures of my grandsons. I still have some negatives in Houston and I think I have some additional pictures that will be considered for the book. But when you see a baby in the book, it is going to be a Mercer. 

Rites of Passage

 

Last week was busy. We had two Rites of Passage, also known as Graduation. Will graduated from Middle School and will be going on to Strait Jesuit High School.

Jack graduated from Strait Jesuit and will be going to Rhodes College in the Fall. As you can see Mike and Betsy are proud of their two boys. Me too. I am so glad I could be here with them for these ceremonies. They were beautiful and  solemn with music, prayers and processions. The older I get the more I realize the importance of these public gatherings to mark the end of one part of a life to the next adventure.

Another Rite of Passage that our family celebrated was a memorial service for Katherine Mercer Stanford, our Aunt Kackie. Kackie has been the glue that held the Mercer family together. From the minute she met me, she loved me as if I had been born a Mercer instead of marrying into the family. She never forgot a birthday. She always called or sent a card or maybe both. She kept up with everyone in the family. I could call her right up to the end to ask about anyone in the family and she had probably talked to them recently and knew where everyone was living and how all the children were. Kackie was 94 years old but up until the last week of her life she lived in her little house and had recently renewed her driver's license so she could go to church, the doctor's office and the grocery store.

Last summer when I went to see her, she wanted me to come for lunch but I knew she would go to the store and make a huge lunch for us even though she wasn't feeling very well. I told her that I couldn't come until after lunch but when I got there she had made cookies for me. I don't think she ever went anywhere without taking along some food. Even this past Christmas she insisted on bringing a cake to the family Christmas Dinner.

One of my favorite verses of scripture is in Proverbs 31:10-31. I like it best in the old King James version because it is so poetic. I hope you will read the whole passage because it is truly a description of this beautiful, kind woman. She was a woman of simple means who touched so many lives and was loved by all.  "Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies."

The Bucket List - Blue Highways

Yesterday I was talking with Son #3. That is #3 in birth order. I was telling him that I wanted to take a road trip. Maybe follow the Gulf of Mexico coastline from Galveston all the way to Key West, then back up the East Coast of Florida, on to Savannah. Maybe even to Charleston. I'd love to see Savannah and Charleston when the azaleas are blooming. I think my desire for a road trip and thinking about it was rekindled as I read Kim's blog, El Gringo Suelto, about his road trip around Mexico.

Son #3 immediately said, "So you are thinking about Blue Highways." Blue Highways is a book that I read years ago and then passed it on to #3. The book was written by William Least Heat-Moon. I'm not sure what the copyright date is but I read it sometime in the 1990's. Heat-Moon had some things fall apart in his life so he outfitted a van that he named Ghost Dancing and he headed out on a trip around the US following the blue lines, not the Interstate highways, on an old Rand McNally road atlas. Along the way he wrote about places and about conversations he had with people. That book hit a nerve with me.

My Dad always talked about just driving down the road to see what he could see. His talking about doing a road trip became a dream of mine too. I thought that when he retired he would do it, but other than a trip to California he didn't head out on that open road. Then my mother was sick. After she died, I thought he might do it but again, he didn't.

Hitting the Blue Highways has been on my bucket list for a long time but somehow I've never done it. I've done some road trips but I was getting from point A to point B usually on an Interstate Highway. So when #3 brought up the book, I immediately thought, Billie, are you going to talk about taking a road trip on the blue highways and die without doing it?

When I close my eyes I can see a drive from Galveston to Lake Charles to Sugartown, Louisiana where my Dad grew up. Then back to the coast at New Orleans, somehow to Key West to look across the ocean to Cuba. Turn and head North zig-zagging along on blue lines and small towns until I hit Savannah and Charleston.

Yes, it is on the Bucket List, but I wonder if it is better to leave the long road trip as a dream. It might not be as romantic or the adventure I've long dreamed about. Of course, if I don't like it, I can always turn around and drive back. Whether I do it or not there is one thing I'm sure about, I don't want to get to the place where I don't have any thing on my bucket list. Without a bucket list, what is left?

The image above is another from my Mercer Log and Port Aransas project.

The Reunion

Me, 1954

I don't usually look backward but I have been doing that in the last couple of weeks. I've sent in my check for a reservation for my 60th high school class reunion. Actually it isn't the 60th this year. It is the 59th but my class is combining with the class of '54 for the big event. Sixty years! It doesn't seem possible.
 
The class has had reunions in the past but for one reason or another Ned and I only went to one and that one was a long, long time ago. We kept up with some classmates for about ten or twelve years but by that time some had moved away or across town. Our kids were involved in school activities or sports and we drifted apart over time.

It was a large class of about 400 people and I have to admit that after graduation, it was like I left some of them on the school steps. So my memories of them are that she had long hair or he was in the ROTC or she was going to school in Louisiana. I have a big gap to cover to find out what has happened to them and where they are now. Today, I exchanged emails today with a classmate and in about 15 lines of text he hit the highlights of the last 60 years. I think there is a lot more to learn about between those lines of text. But it was great to connect again.

I've also been exchanging emails with another classmate for the last couple of weeks. What fun that has been. We certainly knew each other in high school but we were involved in different activities. Now that we are connecting again, we are finding so many things we have in common. I don't know why we weren't the best buddies in high school.

Milby High School has been around since the 1920's. Ned's Dad graduated from there in 1933 and so  did Ned's aunts. Ned and I graduated from Milby in 1955. There have been additions to the school since we graduated. It is much bigger but another renovation is about to start. I haven't been in the school since 1955 although I've driven by just to take a look several times in recent years. I've gotten permission to go inside and photograph while I am in Houston this summer. I don't know what I'll feel when I walk through the doors but I hope that my camera will find some of the memories from 60 years ago.

Yes, that is a picture of me. It was made on an Easter Sunday, 1954. I'm wearing a hat. I made my dress and the dress also had a tailored jacket that I could switch with the shawl. Oh, readers, do not laugh. That was the fashion of the day!

I'm Back

Just in case you wondered what happened. Why no blogging? I've been to Texas and back. It has been an interesting month. Not like most of my Christmas Past but that is okay. Things change. The worst thing about the trip was the weather. It was dreary, windy, rainy and cold most days. Then I come back to San Miguel and it has been dreary, windy, rainy and cold. What's up with the drizzly rain in December in San Miguel?

I had planned to spend five days in Port Aransas working on my Mercer Log project and some friends were going to be there as well so I was really looking forward to it. With a weather forecast of 12 to 20 mile an hour wind and some rain, the friends backed out. I backed out except for two days when I had some appointments that would keep me inside.

I shopped, had lunches and dinners with friends and saw as many movies as I could. At this point I think the best movie I saw was Nebraska but I also like Dallas Buyers Club. American Hustle was a good movie. Twelve Years a Slave was ten years too long. Judith Dench in Philomena gave another one of her great performances. The Coen Brothers latest movie, Inside Llewyn Davis was a downer. The Book Thief followed the book and looked like it was made on a theater set. I still have a lot more movies I want to see before the Academy Awards ceremony.

I went to Austin and saw my grandsons and I planned to go back for Christmas Eve until I came down with a cold/sinus thing. I wasn't bedridden but I couldn't expose my Daughter-in-Law who is in the middle of chemo for breast cancer. I really, really missed being with them. Well, there is always next year.

Mike and family went skiing for the holidays so Christmas Dinner was at my Sister-in-law's house. It was so wonderful to be with them.

Now I'm home. Celebrated another birthday last night with friends who arranged a special dinner at Frienze's. Wow! We had oysters prepared two ways, a pumpkin ginger soup, watercress salad, seared scallops on a bed of pecan rice and a lovely chocolate dessert. The dinner was special and so are the friends. That is Sam and me in the photo but Bob, Tom and Linda were there as well.

Marriage? Don't Think So

Here is another New York Times article forwarded to me by a friend. It is about how many widows are not interested in a second go at marriage.  I've read several surveys that indicate that more than half of women who are widowed before 45 years of age will remarry while about 10 percent of women who are widowed when they are older than 45 years of age will remarry and that percentage really drops for women who lose their husbands after 65 or 70.

I've picked up a couple of hints that a few friends are kind of wondering if  I might be interested in another relationship. I also have some friends who have used some of the Senior "dating" sites and along with some totally boring men, they have also met some interesting men. So, I have asked myself, "What about it? Would you consider remarrying?" The article from the New York Times helped me put my NO answer into clearer terms.

I had a long and happy marriage but Ned and I started our life together when we were not much more than kids ourselves. Can we make accommodations in mid-life? Marriages take a lot of work. I'm pretty set in the way I do things and what my expectations are. I do not think it would be easy to accommodate another person in my life.

In addition to a good marriage, I also had a successful career and in many ways I was shaped by the Women's Movement. I do not feel like I NEED a man in my life to prove anything to anyone. In fact, I feel that this time of my life is a great opportunity to try my wings, to fly solo.....and it isn't a bad feeling.

Another issue mentioned in the article is financial independence made it easier for women to make the decision to not re-marry. While I'm not wealthy, I am able to live a nice lifestyle without looking for a man to provide financial security.

Another study that I read cited that women who have a strong social network were less likely to feel the need to remarry. I recently met a widower about my age who wanted to know if I felt I needed an escort to go to parties or events. Although it would be nice to go with someone, NO, I do not feel I need an escort for anything particularly here in San Miguel. A network of friends and activities really does give you independence.

Marriage vows usually include "to honor and cherish, in sickness and in health." When we are young that statement seems quite beautiful but when you get to be older and you have taken care of your loved one in 'sickness' you know that in a marriage in your 70's, it is most likely a prophesy of what is to come and not beautiful at all. We are older and we will die and sometimes the dying is long and painful for everyone. When you are married your life is as a couple and when one is sick the other is a part of that illness. You may think me selfish and although it could be the other way around, I don't want a new husband's health determining the rest of my life.

One of the women interviewed for the article said "I adore male companionship but they've got to be good company," she said. "Otherwise I'm happy to go out with a woman or by myself. I'm self-sustaining." I think she speaks for me and a lot of other widows.

Father's Day

My Dad about to walk me down the aisle.

Ned with his boys. Doug was almost one, Gary was two, and Mike was five.

Mike and his sons, 2005.

Doug and his sons, 2006

I am blessed to have such wonderful Dads in my family. Your Daddy always has a special place in your heart. I think of him often. Ned.....what can I say.....I still talk to him everyday. I miss him. He was a wonderful Dad. I still think he is around watching over his "boys" and his grandsons.

A Wonderful Visit with Kackie

Today I drove to Conroe to see Kackie, Ned's 93 year old Aunt, but after almost 60 years of knowing her, she is as much my Aunt as his. And I don't think she could love me more than if she had taken care of me when I was a baby. I didn't call her until this morning to tell her I was coming because I knew that she would start cooking. A late notice didn't stop her. By the time I got there she had made oatmeal raisin cookies.

She is active in her church. Still drives to church, the grocery store and doctor's office. Her little house is neat and tidy and she still wants to know about every member in the family. Then she brings me up to date on the ones I haven't seen.

Our conversation ranged from what it was like being widows, to our grown children, to finances.  Kackie talked about friends and some of the good times she and Uncle Wayne had. Out of all four couples they were really close to, only one man and she are still alive. I was very touched by that and the realization that she had outlived most of her contemporaries. I wondered how I would deal with that.

She has had some heart issues and now has a pacemaker. Her medications seem to be slowing her down a bit and while her brain may compute a little slower, it can still find any and all data. When I hugged her goodbye she felt so fragile but her hug was strong. Visiting with her today was an inspiration on how to age gracefully.