Marriage? Don't Think So

Here is another New York Times article forwarded to me by a friend. It is about how many widows are not interested in a second go at marriage.  I've read several surveys that indicate that more than half of women who are widowed before 45 years of age will remarry while about 10 percent of women who are widowed when they are older than 45 years of age will remarry and that percentage really drops for women who lose their husbands after 65 or 70.

I've picked up a couple of hints that a few friends are kind of wondering if  I might be interested in another relationship. I also have some friends who have used some of the Senior "dating" sites and along with some totally boring men, they have also met some interesting men. So, I have asked myself, "What about it? Would you consider remarrying?" The article from the New York Times helped me put my NO answer into clearer terms.

I had a long and happy marriage but Ned and I started our life together when we were not much more than kids ourselves. Can we make accommodations in mid-life? Marriages take a lot of work. I'm pretty set in the way I do things and what my expectations are. I do not think it would be easy to accommodate another person in my life.

In addition to a good marriage, I also had a successful career and in many ways I was shaped by the Women's Movement. I do not feel like I NEED a man in my life to prove anything to anyone. In fact, I feel that this time of my life is a great opportunity to try my wings, to fly solo.....and it isn't a bad feeling.

Another issue mentioned in the article is financial independence made it easier for women to make the decision to not re-marry. While I'm not wealthy, I am able to live a nice lifestyle without looking for a man to provide financial security.

Another study that I read cited that women who have a strong social network were less likely to feel the need to remarry. I recently met a widower about my age who wanted to know if I felt I needed an escort to go to parties or events. Although it would be nice to go with someone, NO, I do not feel I need an escort for anything particularly here in San Miguel. A network of friends and activities really does give you independence.

Marriage vows usually include "to honor and cherish, in sickness and in health." When we are young that statement seems quite beautiful but when you get to be older and you have taken care of your loved one in 'sickness' you know that in a marriage in your 70's, it is most likely a prophesy of what is to come and not beautiful at all. We are older and we will die and sometimes the dying is long and painful for everyone. When you are married your life is as a couple and when one is sick the other is a part of that illness. You may think me selfish and although it could be the other way around, I don't want a new husband's health determining the rest of my life.

One of the women interviewed for the article said "I adore male companionship but they've got to be good company," she said. "Otherwise I'm happy to go out with a woman or by myself. I'm self-sustaining." I think she speaks for me and a lot of other widows.